Prologue : The First Runaway

“Don't touch me!” I screamed, ripping myself away from his gentle touch. He was frozen for a moment, as if I'd shocked him. As if he hadn't already known how I would react. "Don't touch me," I said again, my voice quiet this time. “I can't stand it.”

This was not a lie. I couldn’t bear it. I hated being touched. The affection tore me apart, and at the same time I always felt like people were going to hit me.

He stood upright once more, dropping his hand to his side. “I love you, Meilin,” he murmured. “Don’t you understand?”

“I don’t care. I don’t want love. Leave me alone.”

“You’re...I have to love you. You’re...”

“Why? Just because... That’s not love. Just because you were her boyfriend... That’s responsibility, right?” I could feel it again. I was having one of my “breakdowns.” Tears came to my eyes though I felt no sadness. I was shaking. “You don’t love me, you just feel like you have to take care of me because you owe her.” No, now I felt it. I was upset. Angry and upset and betrayed. “You’re horrible.”

Kenju leaned forward slightly, and brought his hands to his face. I was shocked by his expression... I wasn’t very good at judging what people were feeling, but his face...

He looked like I had stabbed him in the heart.

“No, no, no,” he was whispering. “That’s not–”

“I hate you,” I said suddenly. I don’t know where it came from, but it was a lie. “I don’t ever want to see you again.” Why was I saying it? Why was I trying to hurt him? I couldn’t even control myself.

Then I ran. I turned and sprinted away, with no destination. I just needed to escape. Any place was better than being here, with Kenju. The man my sister loved. He made me think of her, always... I hated it. I didn’t hate him, but I was hurting him and he was hurting me...

I had to leave.




Chapter One : Preparations and Thoughts

It quickly became obvious to me that it had been incredibly foolish to run away. I hadn’t made any preparations, because the decision was so sudden.  Yet I couldn’t return and face my mother or Kenju. If I saw either of them I wouldn’t be able to leave.

So I ran. When I reached a place I could rest for a bit – a small, mostly deserted arcade – I looked at what I had with me.

I was wearing my school uniform. A plaited black skirt that went to the middle of my calves, a white short-sleeved blouse with a red ribbon around the neck, white knee-high socks and black dress shoes. For the weather it would be comfortable for the next few weeks, but soon it would be getting cold out. The uniform would look suspicious during the daytime; people would wonder why a student was running around instead of being at school. Once it was cold people would also notice that I was wearing such light clothing.

I had my backpack, which held two notebooks, several pens, my cell phone charger (I liked to keep it with me just incase) and the book I was currently reading. My purse contained my wallet, my cell phone, tissues, and a hairbrush. In my wallet I had $24 plus change, my student ID card, a train pass for this month, and some discount cards for various stores.

The police might be able to track my cell phone ... I bit my lip and turned it off. I wanted to keep it with me in case of an emergency. I didn’t think my mother would do anything like call the police, but if I didn’t show up to school for a while she might be forced to.

Twenty-four dollars wouldn’t last me very long...How would I buy food or lodging?

For a while I just sat in a chair in the arcade, thinking about what I would do.

My plan of action:
The next day I would use the money to buy new, cheap clothing. Then I would go by train to some city... Maybe Tokyo. Then I would try my luck as a homeless person. I could probably make some money by singing... My one and only talent.

“What a mess I’ve gotten myself into...” I wanted to cry. My body started shaking again...

I was then ushered out of the arcade; it was closing. It was time for my first night sleeping on the ground. I walked for a long time with tears sliding down my cheeks. Eventually, I was outside the city. I found a small forest-like area near a house and fell asleep curled beneath an evergreen tree.